What is the greatest legacy that my parents had both left for me?
This is what i have been thinking these days...
We were not rich back then, in fact, most of the time we were financially challenged.
And that's why mom had to sew, babysit and all of us(i mean mom, sis, bro, myself and granny ah ma) had involved in packing condoms, tie rackets string,cutting electrical components,filling up abacus....just to mention a few.
But truly what legacy they had left for us? What kind of attribute that I would like my children to know that i have picked up from MY PARENTS WHO WERE MY FIRST TEACHER? i think these need to be pondered about especially on this auspicious 4th month of the year and 15th day....A.k.a. Wesak Day.
1. Mom taught me what LEARNING is about: never give up learning, even at old age.
- She learned a lot, from sewing, chanting, reading newspaper from the internet at the age of 60, learning chanting from Youtube to baking all kinds of items without measurement and recipes on hand! phew!
- It is certainly not about the goodness and the ability that she can cook....I mean anyone can cook...just need some practise and passion.
But it is more about the INNER ABILITY that i see..... that i learnt anyone can do anything he/she wants as long as there is a will. Yes, mom possess that kind of WILL POWER....which i think i have either inherited or somehow it was nurtured in me.
- The fact that mom have very little grey hair doesnt mean that she is not old, but it also tells me that of all the old ladies who matter their looks more, they aged faster! Mom cares very little on her appearance and yet she aged the least! I will always cherish her hair which till today still as black as the ebony and yet she has never been ATTACHED to this thought of aging. Yes, DETACHMENT 放下is the profound wisdom that is passed on. 放下多自在呵！
2. Dad taught me about the value of MATERIAL: We have never admired anything of anybody else. And we give nothing on luxury a moment of attention. Who cares? The value to MATERIAL is equal to NOTHING......when he recited, "When wealth is lost nothing is lost, when health is lost something is lost, when character is lost everything is lost". He taught us about proverbs and I still remembered myself copying them and collecting them all from the old newspaper of NST. And i still do like to hear those good words from wise people. What goodness! :)
- Similarly, all material gifts to him are meaningless. That always brought me another GIFT, i.e.: That very best GIFT is already with myself --- the BUDDHAHOOD....just like everybody else! :)
3. Dad also taught me about HUMOUR: To be able to laugh at myself and to be able to see myself laughing at my past, present and future. Isnt this wonderful? The day he gave up smoking habit after 30 years of clinging to it, he taught me again about WILL POWER.
4. Granny Ah Ma used to say never to waste food and all rice and food were supposed to be finished. Well said, well done, well followed! And now i see the results(isnt this about the Law of Karma?) --- that now, bro, sis and I have never wasted the food and we are constantly having FREE food from friends and even strangers! How grateful we are! But i do see friends who wasted food and i do see at some point of their lives, they are suffering at their own cost, such as having dyslexia child(i hope they are not interrelated but i cant stop making it a point to ponder about).
- Ultimately, Ah Ma was the one who was the BODDHIGAYA菩萨 who taught me who Buddha, Dharma and Sangha was. When I was 11, i borrowed a book on Buddha's story and placed it beside the table fan in our room. Everyone was in the dining hall on that hot afternoon. Ah Ma went to the toilet and suddenly she had an inner calling which she said it was like the Buddha's calling that told her to open the room's door. There and then she changed her direction and turn the door knob. Fire was fuming out from the table fan! Short circuit had caused it to happen. Imagine the ceiling and the wooden tatami were also covered in thick black cloud. To add on, sis was still sleeping in the room unknowingly! Ah Ma extremely high pic voice awakened sis and she ran out. If not for the inner calling of Ah Ma, she would have been a roasted pig! And to my surprise, the Buddha's book which was placed by the side of the table fan, survived to minor burnt only! A book, made of simple paper, not fire proof though, had only one corner burnt to black! What could be the power? ---- if not for the great blessings that we all have possessed! That 'tragedy' was like a awaken call. Ah Ma prayed even harder every day --- till the day she died.
Her death, coupled with her sickness, was a lesson for me to cherish.
The 2 months that we all rotated at her bed in hospital to care and wash her wound and pee, and to tell her that everything was well and she has done the best, was a life moment for all of us to learn what BORN,OLD,SICK and DEATH 生老病死 is.
What a great blessing for her to be around to teach us!
What we have tried in our best to repay our parents effort:
1. Getting Mom to learn the Dharma at the time when she needed the most.
- This has to be credited to sis. She was the one who brought her to the temple the most. Mom initially learnt about Tibetan Buddhism and then later the Mahayana and also Theravada. Whichever it is, the crux of the learning is --- FINDING HAPPINESS and PUT MEANING IN LIFE. At golden age, i am glad she picked up the Dharma and is finding lots of interest in the profound Dharma. She once mentioned there are so much wisdom in the Dharma and she wanted to learn more.
As a daughter, i really feel at peace. Coz NO ONE, can be by the side of an aging parent ALL THE TIME. Having peace of mind is the best way of taking care of oneself. Wouldnt it be great we EMPOWER our parents to be THEMSELVES and to let them find their own way of HAPPINESS? Instead of clinging to TV, children, gossips, etc etc.
2. We take good care of ourselves.
- As a parent now i understand how i feel pain if my kids are hurt.
Similarly, i know mom will always get worried if i were to fall sick or having a sickness. But with all the knowledge and wisdom we have gained, we are able to take care of ourselves happily and peacefully. This is the best way to let our parents know that EVERYTHING IS WELL AND FINE. Not only well and fine by words, but inertly, we are well and fine...i mean OUR MINDS are well taken care of. :)
3. Being not used to express myself, Venerable Kai Zhao was the first teacher who taught me to send a thank you and sorry card to my parents when I was attending a Metta meditation retreat camp at the year 1997. If not for this start, I would have unknowingly think the best gifts to parents were:
- bring them to good place to eat
- provide them with money
So great to know that every day is like Mother's day and Father's Day?
I am now chanting and sending blessing to mom and dad during our before sleep blessing.
For the morning short chanting, I would also send all the blessings to my parents, and even parents of my pass lives. Distance and time are not a restriction anymore and I also feel there is peace in them and in myself.
For all these attributes and legacy that these beautiful people has passed on to us, I thank you and May my mother and father and ah ma be blessed with peace and happiness. May they be blessed with courage, wisdom, confidence, and great health.
May my parents of my pass lives be blessed with peace and happiness. May they find courage, wisdom and confidence in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu!
